I haven’t truly written anything for a long time. I have spent so much time consuming content that I forgot how important it is to create content. In fact I’m sitting here right now trying to think what I should write next. It’s really not that easy if you haven’t done it for a long time. You really need to practice this skill. It’s the same as playing piano-if you don’t do it for a while, your fingers don’t move the way they used to. Believe me, I know. I recently started playing the piano again after almost a 2 decade hiatus. I found myself struggling to drum out even the most basic exercises that I used to be able to rattle off without even thinking.
What I have found lately is that I’m so caught up with reading and learning and discovering knowledge, that I don’t give myself the time to properly process that knowledge and output it in my own unique voice. Yes, I’m extremely good at trafficking that knowledge and passing it on to my social media followers and in itself, this is an important form of expression which should not be discounted. However, it only shows the types of knowledge I’m interested in, not what my thoughts are on that knowledge. If I had to look back on my twitter feed, I would say that it’s more of a Pinterest for interesting articles, rather than a unique collection of my own thoughts and expressions. I would say that it’s a rather 2D version of who I am, when what I really want to express is the full 3D version of me.
What also hinders me is that I think I need to say something unique and original, and this thought creates an inertia that makes it really difficult to start writing anything at all. I guess it’s that inner critic that we all have – some people are simply better than others at muzzling this critical imposter.
However, I always seem to remember that it’s the stream of consciousness that we should embrace and simply write down whatever comes to mind. This is what I’m trying to do at the moment. I’m also speaking this out aloud while I write it down, which I’m finding surprisingly effective. It brings a new dimension to my writing; I can now lead my writing from my voice. This is something I’ve been thinking about doing for my music creation; my best instrument is the one I’ve had all my life and the one that I can use without even thinking. But again, I can only feel comfortable doing this in a private place where no one can hear me. As I type that, I realize just how strange it sounds; I’m talking about my voice ad my best instrument, but I too self -conscious to use it in front of people! I guess that’s one of the continuous struggles in my life.
This resurgent need to express myself as been fueled by an assessment I recently completed, called StrengthFinders. It gave me a lot to think about, as well as some clear and practical ways how I can capitalize on my strengths. I feel that I’ve been neglecting these parts of me for too long now and need to bring them back out into the light. This is the first step towards that goal.
I hope you’ll enjoy the trip with me. If you don’t, that’s fine too.